What The Stars Mean to Me

I stare up at the black sky
Hoping to see just one star
Just one twinkle of light in a panorama of darkness
Just one small reminder of what I miss so dearly

Studying the hopeless sky
Praying to the heavens
To show a glimmer truth
To show evidence of trust

I cry out for proof of good
For the world has turned evil
I call out for peace and joy
But most of all, I cry out for love

I weep as the sky remains starless
The world remains heartless
They don't care that they live in darkness
They continue to harm eachother

And these tears stain my cheeks
For the sky is too great to change for one small girl
The world is too stubborn to listen to one hurting child
They need love, the greatest love of all

Falling on My Knees...

Falling on my knees
I call out to the world
I call out loudly, screaming
I call out so they can hear
But they don't
They don't even see me

They're too caught up in themselves
To notice one small suffering soul
They're too busy gossiping
Possibly even about me and you
They're busy too staring in the mirror
And buying expensive clothes

They're too caught up in themselves
To pray for a small starving child
They're too caught up in the ways of the world
They have no time to care for others
Not enough money to spare just a penny
Not to even save a life

They're too caught up in themselves
To even notice when someone so special to them is suffering
They're too lost in there own ignorance
To notice when someone is struggling
When someone just wants them to listen
When someone needs a shoulder to cry on

Falling on my knees
I called out to the world
I called out loudly, screaming
I called out so they would hear
But they don't
They never even saw me

Awakening...

The sun is out; the birds are singing. It must be morning. So many sleepless nights I've waited for this. Waking up from the terrible nightmare of my life, I can rediscover so many things that have for so long been hidden by the dark, all these amazing things that I forgot even existed. The sunrise is back, and it is more gorgeous than ever, bringing with it the opening of flowers and the reflection of life on shimmering lakes. Sweet music plays again, awakening the long lost feeling of joy and freedom within my soul.

But best of all, You're here too, waiting for me with open arms as I wandered helplessly through the darkness in my mind, and in the light I see You haven't left me nor forsaken me. Rather, you rejoiced with me at rebirth and were the first to tell me "Good morning." Thank you, Lord for meeting me here so early. Please forgive me for all I've done, for I know I do not deserve your friendly greeting, yet you loved me through my bad times and you love me still.

Apathy

These flames of anger must not spread
For if they do I will smolder in dread
Within they'll burn, but I'll hide them from you
So that they won't burn you too

The tears within must never escape
They must never see the light of day
Or the darkness of being alone
They must remain within where they can hurt no one

My spark of joy must not burn
For if it does, it will never return
I can't lose this potential smile
So forgive me for seeming hostile

To lend someone my heart would be a mistake
For if I did, I know it would break
And I'd cry as I lifted each broken piece in my hand
So I'll hide in my hood, and stare at the ground; I don't expect you to understand

Surrender

So hard to let go
So hard to keep holding on
But I know it can't last forever
Someday I'm bound to fall

Fighting is so hard,
Alone on the battlefield
Every shot is aimed toward me
Every stray drop of blood is mine


But if I surrender I'll feel weak
But perhaps that is better than lonely
If I raise this white flag, I can open my heart
And learn to love others, learn to be loved


I know I can't fight this war alone
I need somone who will never leave me or forsake me
Who will stay with me, so I will not fear
Who can give me courage and strength


Deutoronomy 31:6

6 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you."

Someday...

Tomorrow or the next day
I know it will be someday
And I wait in my misery
For a day brighter than this

When my tears will dry
And I can look up into the sun
When today is just the past
When today is just a memory

Tomorrow or the next day
I know it will be someday
And I wait here hoping, praying
For a day better than this

When my lips will bare a smile
And I can love without fear
When today is just a bad dream
When today becomes me yesterday

Midnight

I lie awake,
Blankly staring at nothing.
My mind tells me I'm tired,
But my heart keeps it busy.

I long to forget today,
Go back to yesterday,
But the time has passed,
The mistakes were made.

I can never go back.
I will never be the same.
Tomorrow I will pay,
But right now, I must sleep.

Lost...

I can't find my way
Everything looks the same
I'm lost in my tears
They blurr my vision for a better life

No one misses me
No one remembers me
All those that knew me before, left
They gave up on ever finding me again

The cuts on my arm,
And the scars beneath
They serve as a temporary way out
But then I always wind up back here

I want to go back to the beginning
I want to be loved again
I want to be found again
I'm done with wandering

Dear God,
Will You forgive me again?
I know I've done wrong,
But I'm begging at Your feet.

I know Your son died for me
I know He has washed away my sins if I accept it
I do, and I will follow You from now on until forever
Thanks for Your peace, for now I am found.

Inside...

You and me are a lot alike
But you can’t tell from our appearance
You’re black and I’m white
We exist in opposite worlds,
Live in different circles.

But deep down,
You’re a perfect reflection of me
I need someone to love me,
I need someone to care for.
I need a shoulder to cry on.

Will you be my friend?
We can overcome our external differences
It’s what’s on the inside that really counts.
So who cares what they say?
We’re not that different anyway.

Look at Me...

Look at me. Do you see me? No. You don't. No one can. All they see is a girl, smiling and carefree. Whatever. I guess maybe it's my fault. I hide behind myself. Life really is much easier that way. I can smile, and no one will ever know anything is wrong. It's like a mask I wear.
Look at me. Do you see me? No. You don't. No one can. All they see is the hooded boy slowly walking, face downcast toward the sidewalk. Whatever. I guess it's my fault. I hide beneath my sweatshirt. Life really is much easier that way. I put it on, and no one will ever see the scars on my wrist. It's like my escape.
Look at me. Do you see me? No. You don't. No one can. All they see is a sad little orphan girl, tears running down my cheeks. Whatever. I guess it's my fault. I couldn't make my parents love me. They hid behind their drugs. They told me life really was easier that way. They'd take them, and I would be left hiding behind the couch. It was like my haven.

Cry

Cold tears blurring my vision,
I can't see my broken reflection.
If this is my life, this isn't what i envisioned.
There wasn't supposed to be so much pain.

And my tears fall,
Dripping from my chin,
Smearing my make-up.
No stopping them now,
I'm praying I'll wake up.

But the nightmare continues.
It's spilling over into my life,
Becoming so intertwined; I'm so wholly confused.
I may never wake up, or sleep again.

And my tears fall,
Staining my bruised cheeks,
Scarring my soul.
No stopping them now,
Like a river they flow.

Will I drown in my grief?
Can I live with my sorrows,
The pain they've made,
The confusion they've caused?

And my tears fall,
Dripping from my chin,
Smearing my make-up.
No stopping them now,
I'm praying I'll wake up.

And my tears fall,
Staining my bruised cheeks,
Scarring my soul.
No stopping them now,
Like a river they flow.

If Only I Was Blind

If only I was blind, my life would change in many ways. Everything would be different.
If only I was blind, I wouldn’t be able to judge people by the way they looked and dressed. I’d be forced to search beyond the outward appearance into the depths of what makes them who they are. Any immediate judgment I might have had of that person if I could see them, wouldn’t have happened if I was blind.
If only I was blind, I’d be able to strengthen all 4 other senses to guide me. I’d hear things, I might not have otherwise heard. I could smell things, I might not have otherwise smelt. I could touch things, and paint vivid pictures in my mind, that I might not have otherwise seen. I could taste the sweet fresh air on a summer day, and picture what it might look like. I would be able to freshen my imagination into a newly painted canvas.
If only I was blind, I could take life into a whole new perspective. I could see things that would be otherwise invisible. I could dream things that would be otherwise impossible.

Alone

Dare I trust again?
They told me they loved me
Then beat me and bruised me

Was it really love I felt?
I really thought they loved me,
But now I know they didn’t

Dare I fall again?
He swore that he loved me,
But mistreated and misused me.

Was it really love I felt?
I really thought I loved him,
But now I’m not so sure I even believe in love.

So many questions no one can answer…
Am I cursed to die this way…
Confused, upset and alone?
And if so, must I keep living?
Why does everyone lie to me?
Why can’t someone just love me?